Whenever we talk about fashion or style, our mind immediately goes on auto-pilot and associates it with superficial. It is only a belief, but a collective one, and even if you are working in the field, you hear or see it pretty often. And to be honest, it is for a good reason.
Fashion was always considered something for the wealthy because only the queens and kings had the money to afford such luxury. And since most of our money beliefs are related to “If you are rich you are superficial“, “If you are rich you only care about yourself“, “If you are rich you think you are better than everyone else” you can see how easily people put together the two “fashion=superficiality“.
This belief is getting even stronger when people that work in the industry judge each other for how they dress and look like. Wherever you go, there is this invisible but tangible pressure to be fashionable in order to impress other people.
During the years, a lot of rebellious people decided to go the other way, by not caring about “what you SHOULD” be wearing and focusing on what “they FELT like wearing“. Since the pressure dropped, people started feeling like they are equals, which was also bad. Don’t get me wrong, we all militate for equality, but whenever we walk in a room, we want everyone to see US, it’s a normal desire to be unique and to be liked for it. So, being equal did not cut the deal, and a new pressure emerged. The pressure of “being who you are“.
You think I am joking? Oh, no! It is a pressure to be who you are because most of the people:
- have no idea who they are (what are their values, what do they stand for…)
- hate who they are (not skinny enough, not confident enough, not rich enough, not important enough…)
How can you be you if you don’t know how to act? Or don’t like how you act?
There is no easy answer since we are all complex beings, but there are a few things you can take into consideration to make your life easier and be free. Unfortunately, I rarely go out in Romania, not because I do not want to, but because there are not enough authentic people to connect with, especially at a party or a big gathering. In person, people are more likely to be authentic, than at social gatherings. So how do you do it?
- 1. You accept who you are
Yes, I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s the right start. You cannot lose all the extra pounds overnight, you cannot be rich, confident or powerful in a second. What you can do, is to accept who you are NOW and if there are things you do not like about the present you, to have the guts to create a plan to change them. Nobody is perfect and if you let your guard down and if you love yourself, all the other people that resonate with authenticity will love, respect and appreciate you. All the other superficial ones that hate themselves will not, but do you really want to be friends with them?
- 2. You create a plan to change what can be changed
There is always something to be improved! Now, you might not like those 5 extra pounds. In 5 months, you might not like the fact that you are not fit (you are skinnier but still unhappy), in one year you might not like the shape of your nose or the wrinkles or you name it. You are never going to be perfect! And if you see someone who SEEMS perfect, realize they are trying so hard to make it look perfect and find compassion to understand the pressure they are up against.
I will repeat: You will never be perfect! But you can be loved right now!
The way I do it is to set up a goal to focus on the next few months. For example, now I am a bit low on my self-loving routine, so my plan is to do something every day that falls into this category: meditate, pray, read, take off my makeup every night, have 15 min before and after sleep with no laptop or phone in my hands, etc.
Depending on what you feel most stressed about, you can create your own plan.
- 3. You let your guard down
Yes, some people will hurt you, and yes you will suffer, but that should not stop you from truly engaging with another soul. Everyone is scared, even if they show it or not! Let the fear unite us and not divide us. Accept the fact that no matter who does not like you, at the end of the day, you will still love yourself. You are the one living in your body, not me or anyone else. If they do not like what they see or hear, it’s on them.
Plus, from personal experience, if you judge less, you are less judged. Be nice! Be good! Be helpful! If you are doing these 3 things with love, you will get back the same thing. Don’t do it because “it’s socially acceptable“, do it because you feel like doing it, or don’t do it at all. There are a lot of fake people out there and if you want to live in a world where you can trust strangers, you need to start with you.
Be nice! Be kind! Be helpful!
- 4. You are compassionate
Just because you had the sudden call to be authentic and change your life, does not mean everyone around you heard “the call“. Some people might never change, some people will only go to social events to “Check in” and take a selfie, some people will only go places to brag about their “perfect little lie“. Don’t get angry and try not to judge, you most probably have been one of them. Or, if you have not, you must find it easier to show them compassion and understanding.
Be compassionate, everyone is fighting a hard battle. Plus, you can only change something with LOVE. Hate, violence (which can be verbal) and judgment will not solve anything but add to the pile.
Free yourself and free others by being compassionate.
Lately, I became close with one person, that works in the fashion industry, that is from Romania and is a great example of authenticity. I love her dearly, she is honest, she is helpful, she is quirky, she is just the kind of person I like to have a coffee with and brainstorm ideas.
She is my friend and an awesome fashion designer, Laura Chirita.
We first worked together, 2 years ago, on “Inspire ME To Follow My Dream” project, see HERE and HERE. Since then, our paths only crossed for our 2014 Christmas fashion shoot, where I wore a beautiful midi skirt (which I got as a birthday present this year, cheers to the best boyfriend!), see our shooting HERE.
This year, we started working together (she is helping me) for my videos. Thanks to her, I got to film my first FREE video course “How To build a Capsule Wardrobe In 5 easy Steps” and we are about to start a new project next month. (When you are surrounded by kind-hearted people, ideas roll and creativity sparks)
Last Friday, she opened her doors to her new atelier, an amazing apartment, made just for her, where you are surrounded by impressive colors, great designs, cozy atmosphere, laughter, and joy. Every time I visit her I feel inspired and she is such a lovely person that you immediately feel drawn to her.
She has great designs, but the truth is, we do not buy what she does, but who she is! You got to meet her and you will see for yourself!
“People don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it. And what you do simply proves what you believe” (Simon Sinek)
Here are the lovely pictures taken at the opening party, a very cosy evening filled with sweets and champagne. Pretty cool! I felt like I was at Fashion Week, at the opening of a big brand! Way to go, my friend, you are going to dress a lot of powerful women! (hint: stay tuned, cause next year, Laura Chirita will design probably the most amazing outfit a woman can ask for – especially for me)
Photos were taken by David Dumitrescu